Kevin Goes to Italy
The Story of the Luau

The Story of the Luau

Oh, sit down and let me tell you the Story of the Luau. It’s as weird as it is wonderful.

It takes place at the Yaletown Brewing Company, whereupon a single man named Kevin managed to get himself a seat on a cushy leather chair (a chance affair, as it was the first time he’s actually sat there!).

One thing to note, as a set-up as it were, was that it was Luau Night, complete with lei’s, coconut bra’d hula dancers and a photobooth not too far away from said chair.

Half a beer down, and he was approached by the first of many, a man of East Indian descent, who was already properly smashed. In this conversation, this man named Kevin was told by this drunk young man that he was a player (in Kevin’s mind, a player doesn’t have to say that he’s a player), and that Kevin was to be a millionaire. For even in the five minutes converse, this East Indian man thought Kevin was smart enough to rake in the millions. Or perhaps the win the lottery (Kevin was never too sure).

A third into his second beer (for this man Kevin had a hell of a time linking the day of!), he was given a chance to move from cushy chair to an even cushier position on a leather couch (again, such a luxury was this, that Kevin took aim and vaulted himself there), enjoying the respite from drunkards who thought he was to be successful. Soon after, a group of women joined, perhaps because it was the only room available to sit. In these convivial surroundings, Kevin introduced himself with one, two, three, four, five (Andrea, Jen, Charlene, someone’s name he can’t remember, someone’s name he can’t remember) women, whereupon he had half a second beer to go.

He talked with them briefly, as they appeared to be enjoying a girl’s night out. This did not stop other men from coming and going and trying their odds with said ladies. Some had no chance, while others seemed to be good enough to join the leather-covered fray. One such pairing was a woman Kevin cannot remember, and her cousin named Hish (it rhymes with fish). They departed as soon as they arrived, but they seemed to think that the ladies already knew thirtysomething Kevin. In an odd though, it felt like Kevin was holding court.

Soon, the one named Jen brought him a drink. A third beer!? Kevin conquered his surprise and said his thanks. She seemed nice, but was obviously not interested. But why then would she buy Kevin a beer? One knows not. He did not (and still does not!) understand. Through his third beer, one of the women (whose name eluded Kevin) had her boyfriend arrive. These were three men of muscled proportions, all contractors and just out of hockey. Yes, Kevin, as a nerd, had no chance to be heard, but, at the last, bought Jen a drink, to return the favour. So Kevin watched as Jen then fiddled with the boyfriend’s friend’s hair. And so Kevin played with his phone.

Soon enough, the two women whose names Kevin can’t remember, and Andrea (for sure, Kevin remembered that one for some odd reason) left, with burly hockey-playing contractors in tow, leaving Jen and Charlene seated with him at the leather couch and chairs. Sure enough after his third beer, Hish (it rhymes with fish) and his cousin arrived again. The cousin of Hish arrived and talked with Jen, they seemed to look at Kevin, then Hish, then spoke again.

Soon enough, the cousin left, as did Hish, but not before buying Kevin a fourth beer. FOURTH! Again, in wonderment, Kevin realized that he was drinking his fourth beer, and two of which were free. Kevin could not understand it. But Jen was quick to begin flirting with Hish while Kevin sat right next to her (she was between Kevin and Hish). Kevin did try, once, to tell Jen that he wished to see her again, but up came the hand and Kevin’s hand was shook. “It was nice meeting you.” was the phrase that haunted Kevin on his trip back home.

This was the night that Kevin got lei’d twice, received two beers from one man and one woman… And got to sit down on the leather chair he had thus far coveted.

It was a weird and wonderful night.

Skarsgard; Comic-Con 2011 (Taken with instagram)

Skarsgard; Comic-Con 2011 (Taken with instagram)

Dante statue by the Uffizi; Florence, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Dante statue by the Uffizi; Florence, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Regata Storica; Venice, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Regata Storica; Venice, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Flowers in Venice; Venice, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Flowers in Venice; Venice, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Duomo’s facade; Siena, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Duomo’s facade; Siena, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Me at Burano, Venetian Lagoon; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Me at Burano, Venetian Lagoon; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Vatican Pieta; Vatican City; August 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Vatican Pieta; Vatican City; August 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Trevi Fountain; Rome, Italy; August 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Trevi Fountain; Rome, Italy; August 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Copy of David; Florence, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)

Copy of David; Florence, Italy; September 2010 (Taken with instagram)